SANDSTORM

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That news came to me like a sandstorm. The wind was strong and fierce, yet I tried to stay calm and cool. I can feel every bit of sand hitting my skin in pain. I still sounded nice and cool. I was grasping my calm voice on the phone, trying not to let it go.  Moments after, i felt that my body is being slowly buried. I can hardly see my feet now. They’re now covered with the sand, and slowly rising to my knees. That feeling was unexplainable. I felt like i was forced to stay calm though my inner emotions are shivering in stress. She continued to break the news. I just listen and soon the air was getting thinner as the sand was rising…now on my hips. I can barely breathe now. I couldn't talk anymore. “Are you still there?” I took a deep inhale, and said “yes” in pain. She continued her story about how that man made her happy whenever they’re together.

She talked about her detailed emotion when she is with him; which is exactly opposite with what I was feeling that time.  The sand was over my neck now. I could not make a sound anymore. I can hardly breathe. All I heard was the sound of sands hitting each other. I closed my eyes and my body was buried alive in the sand. I close my eyes and hung up. The conversation ended.  Phone beeped.

Buried alive in the sand, my senses were still working. I was wide awake. My skin sensed the warmth of the underground that somehow gave me comfort. I savored the warmth and felt I belonged there. I was fine but everything still felt very heavy. That news was intense. Of all people, why did she choose me to tell her love story?

Soon, I began to hear noises. I couldn't sleep. It was drops of water drumming the soil above head. There was rain. The rain got stronger and stronger and the noise got louder and louder. My surroundings turned from warm to cold. The water dug into the ground and crawled over my skin. Then everything felt wet. God was hammering the sky too, thunder. He was there all along! I got scared. Felt guilty because I haven’t called Him in a while. I close my eyes. I felt that He was with me. I slept.

Flash flood brought me back to by bed. I woke up in my messy bed. I opened my eyes. Everything’s seems normal now. Jov, my roommate, is busy with his paperwork. Pam, his girlfriend, was here too, talking… with her poor interpersonal skills with me. 

Thank God I have them in my life. Now, all is well. J

STAR

I saw a star. I believed it was falling. So i waited for it to reach the ground. i cant figure out where its going to fall so i just stared and waited. It was shining brightly I loved to gaze upon it.

            I waited for hours...days...weeks... and months. It was getting closer and closer to me, getting brighter and brighter. I realized that i was falling so slowly. So slowly that it swallowed my patience. So I stopped gazing at it and did another thing. I walked around and looked for some interesting things along the way. I found one. It was a glowing stone, similar to a precious gem. it was beautiful but not worth keeping so i put it back to where is was. I walked around again, looked for other stuffs. Another one, i saw an orange empty wallet. It has some oriental designs and looked brand new. Someone must have left it. I took it. It was as good as new. It had no damage on it. Lucky me. I then put all my stuffs in it -my ATM card, money, ID any picture. I got a new wallet. Then i went on.

             I never ceased to stop checking on that star. Staring at it in every while trying to check its closeness to the ground. “It will take long enough before it will reach the ground”, i told myself. “Id better walk around while waiting and wasting my time”. So continued walking and searched for thing to stay away from boredom. Wow. What’s that? I found another one. It was a cool guitar pick with a picture of an animated Japanese character. “This must be an expensive guitar pick.” I took it. Put it into my new wallet and went on. I was so excited to use that guitar pick. I wondered if it would make a nice guitar sound. I went on. 

              I looked to the star and check on it again. It didn't seem to get closer to the ground. It is still up there. Its been 4 months now and i am still waiting. I losing my patience now and I was thinking of quitting. I gaze at it one more time and noticed that its glow is getting dull. It was not as bright as it was before. I suddenly lost in interest on it and decide to just look for things around. i went around again and found nothing. I saw that stone gain, that stone that looked like a gem, that first item that I saw. I took it again. Put it on my left hand and examined it. It looked better than before. It looked dirty so i cleaned it. Whoa! Now it looked amazing. It just needed a little cleaning. That stone is glowing beautifully and i haven't noticed that before.  it was glowing bright, as bright as the star I was waiting to fall to the ground. I looked up to see that star again. I searched for it. I can’t find it anymore. I searched for it again, ah! There it is. I thought it was gone but it was still there. Slowly falling but still not reaching the ground. I was not as bright as before. Its glow is getting duller. It does not look beautiful anymore. I lost interest with it and decided to quit waiting. I quitted and that was a final decision. 

 
                I take it back. HAHAAHAH I will not quit and i will not wait. I will just hope for that star to shine again.

LOLO LOVE

 LOLO’s LOVE

My sister’s note in facebook inspired me to write this..

 It was Saturday in the morning, November 6, 2010. I was on my way home, bringing a cheesecake that I bought from an officemate. It was Gang-gang's birthday; I was bringing that cake for her. I was so tired from work and slept in the bus. Right after I took a seat in the bus, I was dead-asleep. I slept the whole ride, from Ortigas to Makati. As a consequence, I passed beyond my destination. So I had to walk to the apartment for about 20mins. 

When I got home, I called her "Gang?..Gang?.. Asa na ka? (where are you?)." No one's answering. I called again with a "Happy Birthday!" Then she came out from the apartment room like a newborn. Eye bags swelling and husky voice she said, "Huy, salamat gyud, Ed!" (thank you, Ed). I gave her the cheesecake. She said 'thank you' again, then went back to bed. Too bad I messed her sleep.  I checked my Facebook then went to bed. I haven't slept yet. I just laid myself and did sound-tripping. The songs were playing in my mp3... Athlete, Phoenix, Coldplay, Dashboard Confessionals, and so on...

Suddenly, one song pricked my heart. I made me sad when I was listening to it. It was Pollen and Salt by Daphne Loves Derby. I had it on repeat mode. I was listening to it for about 15 times over and over again, trying to figure out the lyrics. It was so depressing. I felt like I was about to cry. Then suddenly tears fell. The feeling was so real. I felt like Im the one in the song singing...like someone left me for good. Words like,

"…you've left me such a silent world
the evenings are calm but i'm restless…”

“…not even the mighty sky can fill the space you left behind…”

“last night i dreamt you were with me, finally i could breathe”

I never had that feeling before. I never cried over a song. That’s too cheesy and gay. I couldn’t find a reason for that feeling. That song made my heart weak and I felt more and more tired. So I just told my self to sleep. I turned the lights off, closed the doors and windows. Covered my eyes with the hanky to simulate the night and tried to sleep. It tried but I never did. I was so tired for graveyard shift, lacked sleep from the bus, tired from the 20mins walk and I couldn’t sleep? I don’t understand. It was a strange day.

Few moments after, I was able to take a good rest. It wasn’t a sleep but it was just a short nap. A door knock woke me. It was Gang-gang checking on the cheesecake. Still having that heavy heart, I decided to grab my guitar and played some good music. While playing with my guitar, I was telling Gang-gang about how strange that day was.  She just listened with a friendly face. She just responded with a smile. She then told me to finish what we have started.

Finished what we have started??? Puzzled, I stare at her “What do you mean, Gang?” Oh! I remembered! That song cover.  We were planning to make a music video. I was a cover version of the song My Life is in Your Hands by Katy Troccoli, a gospel song. I didn’t know this song but I already learned this few days before because we’ve been practicing this.

So we practiced some more to make it perfect. I plucked my guitar strings for a smooth intro. The intro was perfect. So smooth. Then the vocals came in. That was perfect too. Gang-gang has a sweet voice. Now, on the chorus part, shit! I forgot the chords! Mistake! It was a mess. It sounded like a horror music with insane broken chords. We did it again. It was a mistake again. I can’t seem to get it right. And now for the fifth time; again, fail! I can’t do it. I told her again “something is strange with this day”.  “You’re simply not in the mood” she replied. Yes, maybe.

            
            Her phone made a sound. 1 message received. She read the message. I looked at her while she read it. She hesitantly handed her phone to me and said “you should read this”. I read the message. It was a message from my sister. “Tu-a na si lolo. Tua na siya sa langit” (Lolo is gone, he is in heaven now) I was speechless when I read that message. I did not say a word. I just heard Gang-gang said “Im sorry”. She left the room. I was alone. I was lying in bed and realized the reason for the day’s strangeness.

 He died an hour ago and that was the time when tear fell from my eyes with no apparent reason. That was also the reason why I felt sad with just a simple song. That was the reason with I could sleep even though I was so tired. That was the reason why I felt as if someone left me. It was also strange that I was playing a gospel song in my guitar. I only listen to indie music but that day i was inpired to sing songs about God and worship. It was my Lolo, then.  And most of all, which was the reason why that day was so strange.

I never believed in supernatural things. I am more into science but this experience has changed my views about it. It made me believe that there are supernatural things that happen in this world. I heard a lot of stories this like this where in their loved ones communicated them a moment after they died, a moment before they died or some time around it. I believe in those things now because it happened to me. It was just my Lolo saying bye-bye to me when I had that teardrop fell from my eyes. He was with me beside me on my bed when I couldn’t sleep even though I was so tired. Creepy? No, that was sweep. LOLO’s LOVE lives.

This is what my sister wrote a day after he died...

This was just an ordinary day..

Woke up at 6am in the morning then rushed to get my bath done..  have to be at work before 7am strikes.. whoa! i was fast.. I stepped out of the house,i noticed raindrops on my face.. got an umbrella and down i battled with the rain.. arrived at work at exactly 6:52am.. endorsement started. had few patients.. made our rounds.. medications given as ordered.. i suddenly realized my lolo was confined at the other ward.. went upstairs to check on lolo.. hmm.. he seems perfectly ok.. on my mind “yes! madayun na jud ku manila”..’cause i was really planning to go to manila..i already have my ticket!!was soooo excited about it.. was even praying that when i come back lolo would still be fine.. i found hershey’s kisses on the fridge got some for my friends at the station..  at the station: the never-ending-thinking of focus charting (deym i hate focus charting!!),carrying out orders..well basically,i am a nurse and doing the nurse’s job.. at exactly 1:20pm brother (Monray -the ever conceited na tambuk diay) called me..told me to rush to lolo’s room.. heart started to palpitate, hands to tremble, body to numb, knees to shake.. as i opened the door,i saw everyone was crying.. (WTF is going on?!!)..but i was as strong as a steel..everyone was crying i was like “huh?!!” then i saw lolo.. lying still but breathing deeper.. heart rate’s at 110beats/min on cardiac monitor with ECG tracing of i dont know what kind of traces..all i saw was a line with elevations noted.. Lolo was unconscious with oxygen inhalation at 3L/min via nasal cannula.. NGT attached at nostril..with FBC at bedside;hematuria noted.. Lolo was pale,cold with pulse not appreciated.. Diagnosis: Impending death.. I saw my uncles,aunties,cousins brothers, mommy (everyone but me) kissed lolo and was saying their goodbyes.. I was a nurse ought to give immediate care not an apo..i have to save him… but suddenly,tears was falling on my face.. i wanted to say goodbye to lolo too.. i wanna kiss him.. hug him so tightly..

Memories flashed back on my mind.. I was the apple of his eye.. He used to bring me toys when he arrives from a trip.. He defended me when cousins bully me.. He gave me coins bigger than that of my brother and my cousins.. I used to sleep with him at night..hug him and make “tanday”.. God!! how i miss those days.. As me and my cousins grew up..i know i was still the apple of his eye..he never refuse my favors..he still cooks for me especially when i asked him to cook  our favorite “porkchop”.. lolo was a great cook..though salty lang.. He loves to go to the market.. he would buy gulay and meat.. He’s not that into chicken though.. Lolo loves chocolates like me.. maybe that’s why he’s “panggag na”.. He loves TV..he even knows all the actors and actresses on TV.. He loves basketball and boxing.. When he wakes up in the morning he used to listen to DXRH.. when lolo was in good condition,he would come to our house.. When the door’s closed,we knew it’s him ‘coz he knocks only twice.. Lolo would would check on our fridge and then drink his coffee..  Lolo also loves animals.. I think my cousin Gino got it from him..he has chickens, birds, dogs and cats.. Animal lover jud.. I remember too he that he loves to talk about war… especially the World War II..’coz he witnessed it..he was there..

What i dont like about lolo is that he’s kinda impatient.. like me again..hehe.. he would make ‘singka’ (angry sound) when u let him wait for a long time.. He hates gano ‘cause mommy would force him to drink it..hehehe.. He is also a smoker.. as n heavy smoker.. pero im but glad he reached 82!! When lola was alive,they would always fight..as in really fight.. to the point that my lola fell at the stairs coz lolo was able to kick her..(si lola kasi palaaway jud pud)..but i find it all funny.. Speaking of Lola,i know lolo loves her so much.. i never heard him having an affair with anyone..i even noticed lately that lolo was wearing a ring on his left hand..(how sweet!!).. 

Mommy would always say to check on lolo everyday..but was so busy and too lazy to visit him..She would tell us that lolo would ask bout us.. especially me,if i was on duty or was still sleeping..Yes! i am guilty..i regretted those wasted times when i have the chance to be with him.. i could’ve served him more.. 

Then i was back to reality…

I went to lolo.. kissed him.. hugged him.. i said my last goodbye.. ‘I LOVE U LOLO!!!’ We witnessed his last breaths.. We saw tears on his eyes.. Was it his way of saying goodbye? maybe.. He’s gone.. ECG showed a flat line.. Lolo is gone.. 

Painful? no.. was i in denial? maybe.. accepted his death? i dont know.. the thought that he’s gone hasn’t sinked in yet.. tears are falling  again.. i could see his face vividly on my mind.. i would hug him again if he’s beside me now.. i’d tell him i love him over and over again.. i know he loves me too.. i was the apple of his eye and will always be..

I miss my lolo now and i’ll be missing him everyday..:’(

Welcome

HI,

This is my very first blog. I don’t know what happened to me and suddenly I just decided to make blogs. I’m not a writer and I was never good in writing. My teacher didn’t understand what I wrote when i was in school. Maybe I was just inspired by great blogs that I see in the Internet. I don’t wish to be popular in the Internet (and I don’t see a chance of being one). I'm not expecting to get  views but at least ill consider this site as an outlet to express my feelings-mainly loneliness.  I’m also doing this because I want to share what I can share- my photos, music that I listen to, travel experiences, and whatever there is for me to share. I think ill be posting blogs every week or two. (who could care, anyway?)

Why The Thick Key? Well, I really cant decide a name for my blog. So, I looked for thing around my apartment room for an idea. Then, BING! bright light bulb over my head!

“Ive been locked out from my apartment many times. I always forget my keys. I'm a very forgetful person. I always leave my things anywhere. If genitals were detachable, … you know it...

I went home in Zamboanga City, my homeotwn, not more than a month ago. Spent a vacation and had good, good time. Came back to manila without the keys. Well, thats not new, locked out again. i texted my roommate to open the gate and the door for me. luckily he replied immediately. He opened the door, without any questions, he already knew that i left my keys in my hometown. He knows how forgetful I am and he know i am a disaster. i took a good rest from a stressful flight. when i woke up, i borrowed the keys and went to have it duplicated. i duplicated two keys, one for the gate, and the other, for the room... got the keys duplicated in an instant. Got brand new keys. At last, it this is going to be a new beginning. Im going to keep this for at least 6 months. i tested it. the first one work perfectly. That was the gate key. Tried the other one. FAIL! It did not work. It was too thick for it to fit. It felt like i burnt my 30 pesos. But anyway, i still thankful for that experience. it gave me a good name for my blog-  THE THICK KEY.”

I’m not telling to anyone i know...this blog site will stay somewhere in the outskirts of the internet. Consider yourself unlucky if you’re here!

ENJOY!