photoshoot in the dark

The TV was on. I was lying on the couch while I faced the blinding light. I closed my eyes.

The light was switched off. I opened my eyes and the darkness was comforting.  I took my camera and switched it to the highest ISO. I took photos of the house creatures in the darkness. The photos looked great on the camera. I uploaded it and they suck like shit on the computer screen. The noise level was too high. Anyway, here they are.

DAD EARLY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

This is a father’s day post. My dad is still alive. 

I was so young then but the memory was clear and vivid yet rusty, like an old movie from a film reel.

‘Education’ 

I don’t remember who woke me, maybe my mother. "Hurry. You’re late" I walked to our wooden bathroom and took a bath. My mom was dragging me. Still groggy, I took my breakfast. Then, I was ready for school.

My mom changed her mind. "You are very late for school, stay home". My dad said "no, you should go to school no matter how late you are". Again, I was on his bike. My butt hurt because I was sitting on the top tube and the road was not smooth.

My dad dropped me by the school gate. I told him that I’m not going in. I was shy. I was very late. He said "there shouldn't be a reason to be shy". He went with me to the classroom door. The door was closed. My dad went and knocked it. My teacher opened it. My dad apologized. 

Music 

He was playing the guitar while lying on the mat. He likes playing MLTR and Bread. I hated the original MLTR music but it was cool when he played it. He is excellent in singing though sometimes he misses the right timing. I learned the guitar because of him. He didn't teach me how to play the guitar. He just taught me how to read the chord chart. Just like teaching someone how to fish than give him a fish.  He taught me ukulele when I was 10 years old then the music in me began.   

Devil

"you're on drugs!" he yelled at me, right in front of my face. I could smell his breath. My mom tried to pull him away from me but he was strong. His eyes were wide open, filled with anger. Blood’s boiling; he was sweating like glass in a mist. He lifted his fist and attempted to hit my face. I yelled "go on!” My mom grabbed his left arm to stop him. I was shaking in fear. I was crying.

Responsibility

My dad bought a new bicycle when I was still a young boy. I was 6 years old then. One Saturday afternoon, my dad, with his bike went to "boulevard”. The sky was orange while the sea reflects it to my eyes. "Boulevard" is a great place in Zamboanga City where you can witness sunset at its best. It was just a kilometer away from our house. My dad brought me there to teach me how to bike. The place was spacious yet unpaved. I saw other kids learning to bike too and the big kids learning bike tricks.

The orange sky was getting darker as the sun kissed the sea. I got tired from biking. My dad bought balot (aborted baby chicken). I ate it for the first time. He taught me how to eat it. It was messy when I ate it. Peeling eggshells was hard, my fine motor skills was not fully developed yet. The balot tasted good. 

FUTURE

We moved from Camino Nuevo to Sto. Nino. That was in the year 1990. My parents were smart enough to make that decision. They decided to build our own house somewhere in the plains on Putik. I was so young that time but the memory was quite vivid. My dad went to Putik with his new bicycle that he bought from our neighbor. The distance was 4km. He brought me and my sister to our new home. It was still unfinished. I remember him said,

“I want you to have a good home while you grow. I don’t want you to experience the hardships as we’ve been through. It was hard. Staying in Camino Nuevo was is not safe for you. I want you to have good education too. I want you to have a good future. Your mom and I build this new house for you, not for us.”  

FLASHBACK

I was in the bathroom, getting ready for work then I heard rumblings from somewhere. Was it laughter? Was it an argument? It was uncertain. I got louder and louder and my curiosity got bigger and bigger. I turned the shower off so I could better hear the noise. I heard sobs. They were yelling at each other. I heard a banging noise. It was a fight, a lovers’ fight.  They were throwing things at each other. I can sense it with the banging noise.  He shouted, “tang-ina mo!” (“your mom’s a whore”).  She answered back “hayop ka!” (“animal!”).  They were cursing at each other. There was a banging sound again. Then I heard the girl cried in pain again. “Tama na, tama na (please stop)” she said. I sensed that she was hurt by the way she cried. Then she screamed “tulong, kuya!” (help!)  The banging didn’t stop.  I Stepped out of the bathroom and put I clothes on. I sat on my bed and waited for the next thing to happen. The noise was clearer in the bathroom. The banging noise stopped but the yelling didn’t. I heard the girl yelled “umalis ka dito! (get out!)” She said that about five times. Then there was silence.

Then the boy came downstairs carrying him with his things. I guess he decided to leave. I didn’t speak. I just watched him. He went to the Chef’s room and took his laptop. He talked to me. He told me that he left the laptop in the Chef’s room because her girlfriend might throw it too. Right! It’s expensive. I asked “Are you ok? Maybe you should talked about it” he answered, “There’s nothing to talk about” then he pulled his jacket sleeves and showed me his arms. His arms were filled with wounds and finger scratches. The girl did it. He pulled his collar and showed me his neck too, wounded. That’s why he wore his jacket despite of the hot weather. He went on, left the house and said that he’ll come back on Thursday and said that he will not leave. I can sense the cycle now.

 My heart beat when I saw his arms and neck. It reminded me of my past relationship. Like a flashback of the tragedy that I was once in. I was caged in that kind of relationship once. It was dysfunctional, stressful, unhealthy, violent… it was sick! It was not easy for me to escape from the tragic past but I did it anyway. I had to sacrifice my money, comfort, family communication, clothes, and most of all, my friends.  It’s hard to explain all these stuffs …so complicated. The wounds are healed but the scars will stay permanently.

Now, it’s Thursday.  They’re in good terms now. I just saw them watch Dallas vs. Miami together, calling “sweet” to each other.  I just wish that it will never happen again.   

cagbalete fail

I was ready. Things are packed. I got my summer clothes and travel kit in my bag. It was supposed to be an island trip. Unfortunately, it was cancelled. Blame it on the people who are good with words but not with action. Well, I guess that’s it. Spoiled excitement. The ship is wrecked. In other words: it’s a FAIL!!!

See you some time around, Cagbalete, when I get to find trusty travel buddies. 

Thanks to the company that I’m in. The day wasn’t that bad at all. It was Family Day. Like Ateneo Fiesta, it was a party atmosphere. The only difference is that the food in family day was free (until supplies last). Everyone was falling in line for freebies. We had to wait for our turn in the queue. It was a long wait. God gave me the gift of patience. I enjoyed it.  

I consider it, at least, a fun day. :)

PITFALL

She left a message. She told me that she’s coming. I told her that I’ll wait… told her that I’m not going to sleep until she comes. The next thing I knew, I slept. I woke up; heard her voice. I accidentally lied, too bad for me.

I saw her, sitting on the stairs. Beautiful as always, she was wearing her gray sleeveless. It showed her shoulders. I liked it. Her skin was smoother than before. My heart beat again.

She talked… and talked, I listened. I enjoyed. She talked about her sick Lola while they stayed in her evil uncle's apartment. She laughed and I smiled.

She left.